For the last year I’ve been teaching pre-school/toddler yoga. One main thing that showed up in classes wasn’t bullying, it was the fact that the pre school boys wouldn’t accept a pink bubble wand, only blue – I didn’t pick these two colours it came in a set. At first I almost gave in to giving the colour each boy requested, but I stopped myself and would move on to the next child beside them. The teachers and I started only repeating ‘you get what you get’. I’m the type of yoga teacher that doesn’t ‘baby’ no matter the age, I treat you as a human even if you can’t speak words to me. The saddest part about me trying to teach breath exercises with dollarama bubble wands was the horror on the boys faces, that at 3-5 years old choosing pink was shunned so badly it made them squeal in complete refusal. Not at the colour but at what the colour means. Pink is literally a colour. The colour that is required to fully draw in certain fill in the photo blanks in colouring books. I am not kidding that at THREE years of age, little little baby boys would not accept anything pink.
I also teach the toddler 18 month to 3 years classes- the difference? The boys are in princess dresses, carrying around their ‘babies’, setting them up to do ‘baby and me yoga, little toddler boy and doll style’. They have no awareness at 2-3 years of age that wearing a purple dress with sparkles sums them up as a person.
I want all boys and men to know that yes we shunned your feminine, we confused you. I bullied my brother, and guy friends for sure over something that was claimed as ‘mine’. Because I was taught that girly, and pink was for girls. I think that as we’re trying to raise babies to equally know regardless of gender, they can choose what they like we have to maintain a solid perspective. Our bigger work is embracing the boys, men, dads, grandparents who were told pink (or purple) is gay, touching another boy is a sin, and who were all called a faggot (at least) once. The insecure feminine and unhealthy masculine in men we have now is not their fault entirely. They didn’t choose it, just like females didn’t choose to not vote, stay at home, bully themselves and other girls for their looks etc. we have all been taught untrue, unhealthy, toxic traits that we point at either genders. Let alone the thought of inclusion about how it is no longer about male or females solely. There’s your sex and then your gender. There’s how you identify and then there’s social constructs of what boys, and girls should be doing.
Whether in the future I become a mother or not does not matter. I have mothered children my whole life. I’ve babysit since I was 11, camp counselled, babysat, nannied infants. I know that childhood trauma happens from day one. And what I know more than that, is that we’re all creating more of it. Calling boys ‘f*** boys’ allows them a space to exhibit this toxic FEMININITY, because expressing your FEELINGS in an unhealthy way taking advantage of others is NOT HEALTHY MASCULINE, it’s toxic, sad and from an empty hole inside of you. It’s due to the fact boys and men do not and are not taught how to exhibit healthy emotions.
So, where does that leave any of you (mostly female) readers? Well I ask you are you allowing space for the guys in your life to mess up? To show emotion? To come towards you in the most awkward foreign way they know? OR are you judging? Are you asking for more perfection? For more materialistic things and dinners out? Or are you CREATING HEALTHY SPACE? Guys expressing emotion which in nature is feminine energy is not ALLOWED, and then on the spot we’re requesting it.
This is long hard work, that maybe can’t be done alone as a couple, or as a family with a small male child but all these boys really want is to know that they’re loved, no matter how many times they mess up. And maybe if we allow this we wont feel like we need to mother. We will see them step into healthy, protective masculine energy and instead want to LEAD, to care, to provide. It’s not one gender vs. the other it’s the fact no one in our society was told HOW. We’re all left guessing and blaming. I am not here to say how some of these guys act is okay, but how can we as women gain some clarity into WHY they are all hurting so badly. WHO in your life isn’t expressing themselves? And instead of demanding more, can you just create space, can you allow a gap, can you step back and be like ‘okay I need you to show me you care and I know you weren’t taught how but this is a safe space, I allow you to f*** it up but just express anything that shows you want to do and be more’. I am such an advocate for boys and men, I love all of the ones that have come and gone in my life. I grew up with boys, they taught me respect, dynamics, how to lead, how to stand up for myself, how to show pride. I learned healthy masculine energy from my Dad, brother, uncles, cousins because the women in my life were strong enough to take the generational pain. They knew that sometimes guys screw up, but that does not mean that they do not care. They care so much, and are trying so hard. They just have no leaders, no one truly guiding, no ushering from boyhood to manhood. And yes the world we live in now, this role is left up to the women. The ones who have suffered so much at their expense that we are the stronger race, we can take it. We will stand by their suffering, and we will wait until they finally re-align to their true voice, power, calling and rightful position in society. From a place of healthy strength, not taking their insecurities out on us. It is only from us asking them to shift, to do better will they. Sadly hookup culture revolves around the fact that girls and women give their power away, they let guys act from a less than powerful state. They let them act from their trauma. A male in his TRUE POWER, would never put down another woman, he would only want to protect.
If you want feelings, true vulnerability, you need to be vulnerable yourself. Coming towards one another from a place of true, honest connection is not easy but for any of us to grow in to the whole individuals we are meant to be we must all work on our feminine and masculine energies.